My Second Chance

by Camera Meyer
Orem, Utah

11/2010

At the tender and impressionable age of sixteen, I began dating a young man. He was everything I thought I wanted. He was charming and kind, thoughtful and fun.  He was LDS. But it was all an act. Ever so slowly, he manipulated me. Five years later, I found myself unhappy, inactive in the church, distant from my family and with very low self-esteem.

I was born and raised in the church and always believed. When Sam and I were engaged I tried to encourage him to come to church. I would get dressed for church and drive to his apartment and wake him. Usually he wouldn't go. He would often convince me not to go either. Once I got him to go with me and he picked a fight about something stupid and we ended up going home. I told myself that my faith didn't depend on my attendance in church. I thought I was strong enough. I still believed. But I noticed the loss. It wasn't exactly darkness, but lack of light. Something was missing.

Then everything changed. His Grandmother died, and we rented her house from his aunt. We lived down the street from his parents and were in the same ward. He had to show face. We started going to church and he had to act happy about it to his parents. I knew he didn't like it but I finally got to go back. I cried my eyes out the first week. It was wonderful. I gained strength. I flourished in the light. My self-esteem grew. Sam found excuses to stop going but I didn't care. I went without him. I grew closer to the Lord and further from Sam. We spent less time together. He started going out after work and spending time with friends. Then it turned to avoiding me. I would walk into a room and he would walk out. I would sit next to him and he would move. I confronted him and he told me he wanted a divorce. I moved in with my parents. My family and I had drifted apart due to my choices in life, but I knew they loved me and would always help me. I went through the grieving process and came out better. I was at peace with myself. I could choose for myself. Now I knew what I wanted in life and what would get me there. I was no longer timid and unsure. Most of all I had my faith. I was living in harmony with my beliefs and found true happiness.

Then came Kai. We had been in the same primary class. We ran into each other and he got up the courage to ask me out in his own backward way. We were joined at the hip from the start, and contrary to my mother's belief I'm sure, much of our time together was spent studying the scriptures. He was fresh off his mission and I was thirsting for knowledge. He was so respectful of me, I thought for a time that he wasn't interested in anything more than friendship. He called me his girlfriend before he had even touched me. Our relationship began with our mutual respect and similar goals in life. We were married quickly, but this time I knew it was right. There was no question in my mind.

Now I enjoy life to the fullest. I live in a home where love is spoken. I am blessed enough to stay at home and care for my children while my husband works and attends school. I play with the sweetest children all day long and kiss those chubby cheeks hundreds of time a day. My husband and I are one person living in two separate bodies. We grow together. We point out each others faults, even though its painful, and work together on being better people. We study and pray together. We teach our children together. This is what marriage is supposed to be.